


oh no (now you’re too good to be all mine)

by Lavelle16



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-06-18
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:40:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24793255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lavelle16/pseuds/Lavelle16
Summary: She’s in love. In love with Leah. Leah of all people. Her best friend for the last four years. She’s in love with her.Jordan repeats it over and over in her head but it doesn’t make any more sense no matter how many times she does it.
Relationships: Leah Williamson/Jordan Nobbs
Comments: 7
Kudos: 118





	oh no (now you’re too good to be all mine)

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Seeing Blind by Niall Horan

It’s a painfully normal day when Jordan’s world falls apart. 

They’re at training, messing around while they can during their short water break and Lisa’s poking fun at Kim, recounting some story from a Scotland camp that leaves them all in stitches. 

Jordan looks up and straight away catches Leah gaze. She’s laughing along with the rest of the girls, her eyes crinkling slightly and her hands on her hips. 

Jordan smiles at her softly, forgetting almost immediately about the story in favour of being distracted by Leah. Her freckles are more apparent than usual, coming out in the unusually sunny Spring days and her skins even more bronze than usual although her tan line is obvious to see in the training top she’s wearing. Her laugh floats over to Jordan from across the circle and she can instantly feel her smile widening. 

Jordan feels her heart stutter and her stomach drop and that’s when she realizes. 

She’s in love. 

*********

Somehow she manages to act like everything’s ok, like the entire world hasn’t turned on its axis. 

She gets through the rest of training and heads home almost immediately, wasting no time in changing before she says a hurried goodbye and leaves. It’s only when she’s at home by herself, sitting on the couch and staring at the blank television screen in front of her that she lets herself panic. 

She’s in love. In love with Leah. Leah of all people. Her best friend for the last four years. She’s in love with her. 

Jordan repeats it over and over in her head but it doesn’t make any more sense no matter how many times she says it. 

She thinks over the last few years of her life. How she hadn’t managed to get past the first date with anybody she was set up with, how she sends Leah memes late at night even though she knows she’ll be asleep, how Leah’s the first one she calls when she gets an England call up. 

She thinks of Leahs wide grin that instantly makes her smile back, she thinks of her bright blue eyes and the way her skin burns wherever Leah brushes against her. 

She thinks and thinks and thinks and by the end of the night, Jordan’s still only come to one conclusion. 

She’s so utterly screwed. 

********

Things, surprisingly, don’t change. 

She sees Leah every second day for training or matches and she learns to live with the fact that she’s completely, entirely and unfortunately, in love with her. 

She figures out how to make things easier. 

She doesn’t completely ignore Leah but she makes little changes so her presence isn’t as overwhelming. 

She stands beside different people when taking breaks for training, she makes more of an effort with her coaching badges so she has an excuse to turn down hang out invites and she tries not to spend as much time alone with her anymore. 

It works for a few weeks but she starts to miss Leah more than she thought she would. It’s not like anything’s changed anyway. She still sees Leah constantly and they talk all the time, even if it’s less than usual but it’s the small things she misses. 

She misses Leahs gentle nudge after she’s poked fun at her, she misses the way she’d wink at her when they share an inside joke, she misses having someone to call to come over and binge a Netflix show with her. 

She just misses Leah. 

But it’s just something that she’ll have to get used to until her feelings die down a little. 

Even though from the way her heart still speeds up whenever Leah walks into the room, it won’t be anytime soon. 

********

They go out for team drinks one night, a rare break when they don’t have a match the next day. Jordan’s pleasantly buzzed, sipping on her fourth drink of the night, listening to Beth tell her about what Daan did for her birthday. She’s sitting beside Leah, her arm around the booth and Leah’s fallen into the space left there, leaning into Jordan’s side. 

She tried to follow whatever rules she had set for herself about keeping her space from Leah but somewhere around the start of her third drink her resolve started fading and now she’s found herself pretty much attached to Leah for the night. 

“Jordan. You alright there?” 

Beths waving a hand in front of her face, looking at her with an expression of half concern half amusement. 

“Yeah sorry” she grinned lazily “zoned out for a sec”

“Yeah, you might want to slow down there. Good thing I sent Leah up for some water but maybe I should’ve told her to get some napkins as well, for your drooling”

“Shut up Beth” Jordan rolled her eyes at her but she didn’t have much of a chance to say anything else, to maybe ask Beth how she’d figured it out so quickly when it had taken Jordan years before Leah had arrived back at the table with a tray of drinks in hand. 

It’s funny when Leah drinks. She’s only slightly tipsy now and Jordan watches how concentrated she is as she hands out their glasses of water. Her eyebrows are furrowed slightly and she’s biting down on her bottom lip lightly as she makes sure that no water gets spilt. 

“What’s this?” 

Jill’s made her way over to the table to take advantage of the free drinks and she’s waving around some piece of paper or napkin in the air with a raised eyebrow and Jordan only really starts to take notice when Leah frowns and tries to grab it from her. 

“Nothing” 

“Oh yeah?” Jill flattens it out on the table and Jordan sees some kind of writing on it but it’s too hard to read upside down and while she’s slightly inebriated so she sits back and waits for Jill to read it. 

“ ‘My shift ends in twenty’, a winky face and her number?”

Jordan sits back up, her drunken haze suddenly unflinching cleared as she tries not to let her upset show. From the way Beths glancing at her across the the table, it’s not going too well. 

“It’s nothing” Leah insists again “I wasn’t even going to use it”

“If you’re not, can I?”

Leah rolls her eyes at Jill as she falls back against Jordan again, her body suddenly all too aware of where they were touching. 

The conversation seemed to have moved on but Jordan’s still stuck on it. 

“I think I’m going to play some darts” she mumbles, interrupting whatever the girls were talking about and walks over to where Viv and Daan are playing, her mind still spinning. 

She doesn’t look at Leah for the rest of the night. 

********

Jordan goes back to her self-imposed rules. 

She hangs out with different people, she drags Dan out early to the pitch before practice and she tries her best not to think about, look at or speak to Leah unless absolutely necessary. 

She waits for her heart to slow down, the butterflies to die and her body to stop automatically responding to Leahs touch. 

She waits. 

********

They’re on the bus back from an away game late at night one night a few weeks later. The match was scrappy and tiring so, for once, there’s an unusual quietness on board. Jordan can hear some murmurings of a conversation from behind her but she’s too tired to make out the words. She’s only a few moments away from falling asleep against the window like Dan is opposite her. 

“Cards?” 

She blinks and turns to Leah, who has a deck of cards held out and a soft look on her face, like she’s afraid Jordan will say no. 

Jordan’s been trying her best to wait out these inconvenient feelings and she knows that saying yes wouldn’t be a good idea but Leah’s looking more and more unsure of herself and Jordan feels herself ache. 

“Alright” 

They’re both whispering as they play, afraid to talk too loud in this quiet space and they go through three rounds of Leah tapping her fingers nervously against the table before she says anything. 

“Are we...” she starts shakily before she stops herself and tries again, stronger this time “are we alright?”

‘No’ Jordan wants to scream at her ‘Of course we’re not. I’ve just realized I’ve been in love with you for the last four years and now ever time I’m around you, it physically hurts. I don’t think we’ll ever be friends like we were before’

Jordan wants to say all this but the bus is full and everyone’s asleep and Leah’s still looking down at the table unable to meet her eyes and Jordan’s heart has never felt so full and broken at the same time so she just smiles sadly and places down a card. 

“Yeah Lee of course we are” 

They play silently for the rest of the journey home. 

********

Somehow following her rules gets easier. 

Leah shows up last to training and she’s the first to leave so Jordan only sees during training and it’s easier to concentrate on the drills on hand rather than her. They stop touching accidentally, there’s no more brush ups against each other or well done pats on the back. There’s only a quick slap of their hands against each other when a match is over and Jordan hates how much she looks forward to it. 

Really. Craving a high five. How pathetic. 

She tries not to notice how Leah never looks her in the eye anymore or how their conversations falter until it’s turned into just shouting instructions on the pitch. She tries not to notice that her best friend is starting to feel more and more like a stranger with each passing day. 

Following the rules is easier but everything else is the hardest thing Jordan’s has to suffer through. 

********

Jordan’s sprawled out on the couch, a rerun of a Champions League game on, a half eaten plate of pasta beside her and the game plans for next weeks match against Man City spread out on the table in front of her. 

She’s trying to pay attention to them but she’s on the verge of falling asleep, a combination of the heavy pasta and stiff legs making her seconds away from closing her eyes at the early time of 7 o’clock. 

She’s settling back into the couch, unable to fight her yawns anymore when there’s a loud knock on the door. She drags herself to her feet and over to the door to open it. 

She’s suddenly wide awake when she sees Leah standing there still in her training gear from the afternoon. 

“Did I do something to you? Is that why you’re ignoring me?” 

Jordan opens her mouth to answer but before she can say anything, Leahs stalking past her into her apartment and starting to rant. 

“Because I’ve been racking my head trying to think of what I did to annoy you or offend you or hurt you so much but I don’t know!” 

Leahs voice is angry and she’s so worked up, she’s almost shouting as she gestures around, clearly frustrated. Jordan tries to interject again but Leah’s on a roll and she only pauses for a quick breath before she continues. 

“I don’t know what I did that was so bad that you can’t look at me or talk to me or god forbid, touch me!”

Jordan resists the urge to reach out and lay a hand on Leahs arm to calm her and so she just stands there and watches as Leah deflates slightly, her voice sounding more resigned than worked up as she keeps talking. 

“I just want to know what I did so I can fix it and we can go back to being normal. I just want to be normal again Jord”

It’s the use of the nickname that finally kick starts Jordan’s brain again and she finally gets a chance to talk. 

“No Leah,” she shakes her head “you didn’t do anything. It’s my fault”

Leah looks away from where she was staring off to the side, towards Jordan and for the first time in months, Jordan finally properly looks at Leah. Her sharp blue eyes which are usually filled with humor, now show nothing but confusion and hesitance. 

Jordan knows she’s not going to leave until she actually finds out what’s going on so she sighs and lets her words spill out before she can talk herself out of it.

“I just don’t know how to deal with these feelings. So I tried to distance myself and stay away from you because every time I’m around you I just feel like my heart is going to burst and I don’t know I thought this would work but it’s been months and these feelings they still haven’t died down or gone away and I don’t know what to do” 

She sighs and tears her eyes away from Leahs and back to the floor before she says her next words. 

“I don’t know what to do because I’m in love with you and you’re....you’re my best friend but I can’t stop feeling like this.”

There’s dead silence in the room, the only sound is Leahs quiet breaths, Jordan’s stuck somewhere in her throat as she waits for her rejection. 

“I’m sorry” she whispers quietly 

“You’ve only known for a couple of months?” Leah asks softly, stepping forward a few feet. She doesn’t wait for Jordan’s answer but instead keeps talking. 

“ ‘Cause I’ve known how I felt for a few years and it doesn’t go away. The way your heart beats a little faster when you see them or how you literally can’t catch your breath for a few seconds after they smile at you or the burning jealously you feel when you see them with someone else. That doesn’t go away no matter how long you live with your feelings. Trust me.”

Leah’s hand squeezes hers gently and when Jordan finally looks up, Leah has a small smile on her face and her eyes don’t look as worried as before. 

“These past few months have been hell without you” Jordan whispers in the few inches of space between them. 

“Then we have a lot of making up to do” 

The kiss is soft, barely a brush of their lips against each other but then Leah tilts to the side slightly and Jordan’s mouth falls open and - oh. 

The butterflies that she tried to ignore are back in full force, her skin heats up where Leah’s hands have rested low on her hips and she rocks up on her tiptoes to press harder against Leah. 

She follows Leah’s lead as she pushes towards the couch and Leah settles herself into her lap with a wicked smile and Jordan’s brain goes blank. 

Leah was right, they did have a lot of catching up to do after all. 

********

Much later when Jordan’s sprawled out on the couch again with Leah’s head resting on her chest and their legs tangled together, she presses a light kiss to Leah’s hair now that she can and settles back again, the butterflies no longer scared her and her heart beat slowed to match Leah’s. 

It’s a normal day when Jordan’s world rightens on its axis again. 

********


End file.
